About Scotty

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CEO of Swear Down TV//Radio host on Swear Down Radio//Writer of 'The Unfamous'//Blogger//BAD ASS//

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Thursday, 6 January 2011

Fatty Boom Boom 101

Whaddup readers, and an extra special whaddup to all my fat bitches =D hey guuuurrrrrllllll!

This post was inspired by some of the questions on my Formspring. I get a lot of questions from fellow big girls who are insecure about the way they look and seek my advice about how to deal with these things, so I decided that I was going to write a blog to (hopefully) boost every insecure fat girl's confidence and give out a few tips.

Now you lot already know how I stay, I'm not about to sugar coat shit to protect anyone's feelings. I'm gonna call it like I see it cause bullshit is long and never helped anybody.

I love my fellow jelly bellies, but boy do I HATE you lot when I have to go shopping. It's like as soon as a good piece of clothing comes out you lot just RUSH the shop and buy out all the 16/18 and I'm left GLARING at all the skinny bitch sizes whilst I wish death on all of you (don't look at me like that, you know that life would be better if there were less fatties around to buy up all the good shit).

Anyway, let me stop cussing and actually attempt to help you lot.

Fuck A Stretch Mark
Don't you hate those little suckers -I know I do. Stretch marks totally SUCK ASS because they look like you've been mauled my a damn ferocious BEAST, and unless you are PAID there aint no way that you are getting rid of them. Once they're there, that's it. Even if your ass loses weight they will still be there. Now this particular reason is why I don't let my stretch marks bother me as much as they used to. I used to be REALLY insecure about them, so much that I never wore short sleeved tops (or anytime I did I made sure to cover my arms with a hoody/cardigan/bolero etc). I found it really frustrating because I could never wear the fashions that I liked, and when the weather decided to get hot my fat ass was sweating like a fucking WALRUS. After a talk with a good friend of mine, I simply accepted that they were there and told myself that sitting around sulking about them and inconveniencing myself for the rest of my life because of them was pretty fucking stupid. Life is a short so why waste it by upsetting yourself over trivial things like stretch marks.
A lot of you were more insecure about havig stretch marks because of what guys would think and let me tell you this now (hand on my heart) REAL MEN DON'T GIVE A FUCK! Loads of women, big or small, have stretch marks, so any dude that thinks that it's an issue is immature. I'm glad to say that in my experience none of the guys I've been with have found it to be an issue, even when I did. If a guy likes you then they like you, and if you're a fat girl then things like stretch marks are to be expected, your fat for fuck sake.

Tip: If you want to make your stretch marks less visible then use skin products with VITAMIN E in them (I recommend Palmers Cocoa Butter or Bio Oil).

Don't Compare Yourselves To Skinny Bitches
If you take ANYTHING away from this blog then this one is essential. Now, because of the way society views beauty in general, in most cases slimmer women will be deemed more attractive than a big girl by default (even if this is not the case). Skinny bitches are not your competition, fat bitches are (remember that). When I go out I'm not watching no skinny bitches, I'm scoping out the rest of you roly poly oly's for validation that I look fly. I'm not concerned with being the flyest bitch in a rave, I'm tryna be the flyest fat bitch ya dig! Lol <--I'm laughing, ¬_¬ but I'm not joking. This kind of thinking also helps boost confidence because once you stop comparing yourself to females that you have nothing physically in common with, you find less flaws in the way you look. It's logical.

Wear What Fucking Suits You
I love a confident big girl, it's a good look, but MY GOD some of you need to be slapped with a fucking reality check. As a plus size girl you MUST understand that there is certain shit that your chunky butt can't pull off. I hate seeing fat girls in belly tops/bikini's/see through tops or anything else that is ONLY meant to be on a skinny bitch. You look like a JOKE! You ever just see a fat girl wearing some shit that she shouldn't be and just thought to yourself 'YOU ARE LETTING THE SIDE DOWN!' Seriously, I can't stand it because it makes me feel embarrassed for you. You don't look sexy with your belly and your rolls hanging out, EVER and I don't know what dickhead man gassed you into thinking that you do. Some of you curvier fatties may be able to get away with this if your middle doesn't pertrude too much, but the rest of you ¬_¬ I beg you don't try it.
For those of you that dress like you haven't accepted that you are large and in charge, get a fucking clue. Why are you wearing jeans that cut your gut in two? Why is your top so tight that it looks like your rolls are eating it? Why are your sleeves strangling your arms? Why do your feet look like a loaf of bread is rising out of your shoe? These are the questions we must ask ourselves. BUY YOUR FUCKING SIZE! I don't business if you can still squeeze yourself into a size 14, your clothes look like you are about to bust out of them on some Incredible Hulk tip.
For those of you that know you are big but wear shit that is too big in an attempt to hide the flab ¬_¬ you look like a tramp. Clothes that are too big for you just make you look frumpy and they also make you look bigger than you really are.

Clothing Tips

  • If you are top heavy, balance your shape out by wearing darker colours on top and lighter colours at the bottom -vice versa if you're bottom heavy
  • Although black is slimming, colours are always more flattering so don't shy away from them
  • Invest in loads of bad ass accessories, trust me, it makes ALL the difference to an outfit (I have TONS)
  • Strapless clothing is good for fuller figures because you carry the least weight on your shoulders, so don't be scared to flaunt them
  • Empire line dresses and waist belts are great for cinching you in in the right places to give you an hourglass look, even if you don't have one (like myself)
  • I don't fuck with spanx cause I think they kinda suck (for me anyway), but tights are great for holding you in
  • Always have 1 statement item on you and focus the rest of your look around that.

That's all my rebore Gok Wan gas. I recommend that you watch his shows because the man is a friggin genius!

Where To Shop
EVANS! Hahahaha I'm playing, ¬_¬ Evans is SHIT. They just make alll those bait 'plus size' clothes that no one actually wants to wear like flowy tops and flared jeans. FUCK a Evans - they do have some nice jewellry though ;).
I tend to shop in places like New Look, River Island, George (yes the clothing section in ASDA and I don't give a FUCK how you feel about it cause they have some good shit!), H&M, PRIMARK (obviously, but not so much anymore as the quality of their clothes are getting kinda frass but yet they wanna put the prices up like we're some DICKHEADS), Dorothy Perkins and Foot Locker (I like their t-shirts *shrug*). Most of these shops go up to size 18 (some of them may go higher) and they don't sell that generic fat girl rubbish like Evans, you can actually get REAL fashion that suits you and doesn't make you look like a plus size hippie bitch.
In terms of underwear, as most of us fluffy chicks have bigger breasts it is better to buy more expensive underwear because it provides better support. DO NOT buy a bra from Primark and think that it's okay because the chances are that your breasts are going to weigh the straps down, the underwire is gonna buss out and STAB you in the chest or the armpit, or your breasts are gonna look like you aint wearing a bra anyway (I speak from experience. Primark bras suck ASS). The best place to get a bra is La Senza, Bravissimo, Ann Summers OR (if you don't want to spend £20+ on a bra) GEORGE. Hand on my heart I have 2 bras from there and they are SICK! Plus they cost under a tenner and they go up to WHAM sizes.

Someone asked me the other day where is a good place for big girls to go to meet men. My reply was: OUTSIDE ¬_¬. There is no specific type of man that likes  big women (aside from those creepy chubby chasers of course *shivers*). Sure not every guy has a taste for the larger ladies (men like that don't know any better and it is your job to school them lol), but to be honest, you're just a girl that just so happens to be big. Something I MUST highlight is that don't think that just because you are big that you should settle. FUCK A SETTLE! There are too many ugly ass bitches running around out there with SEXY ASS men for you to think that you don't deserve someone good looking just because you've got a few extra pounds. Like who you want to like and be with who you want to be with regardless of what it will look like to outsiders.

FUCK The Haters
My last point -IF PEOPLE WANT TO DISS YOU AND WRITE YOU OFF JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE FAT THEM FUCK THEM! IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE FLY THEN BITCH YOU CARRY ON BEING FLY! One thing that I live by is SELF LOVE (as you lot may have picked up on by the way I constantly compliment myself lol). It's the way FORWARD. Once you learn to truly love yourself, then what small minded people think is just water off a ducks back. Intead of focusing on your flaws, concentrate on what you do like about youself and the rest will fall into place. The best way to launch into self-proclaimed awesomness is to spruce (that word is so neeky) yourself up. Go shopping, get your hair/nails/feet/vagina (just a suggestion) done, get some new make up...you get the point. When you look good, you feel good. Use what you have and *camp voice* work it gurrrrl.

I hope that my ghetto fat bitch wisdom has helped. You're all BAD ASS and don't you forget it.

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Love Scotty


  1. PREACH Scotty PREACH!
    loving this post!

  2. Love this article scotty, you hit every point, x