I've been saying I was going to write this post for a bit and the urge to vent just took me by surprise so I decided to jump on my bad ass blog and drop some bad ass truths (ya'll know how I do *pops collar*)
Now as you lot should all have picked up on by now, I'm not the girliest girl around *flips the bird and laughs*, but ALAS under my tough, super cool, bad ass exterior, I am all soft fuzzy and warm (and all that other nice generic girly bullshit) -bear with me bad asses...it's about to get mushy-ish.
I love ROMANCE. Yeah I said it, I LOVE that over the top, make you wanna cringe, Romeo and Juliet, I will love you until my last breath, tummy fluttering, heart racing, I forgot how to breathe ROMANCE...so you can imagine how perpetually annoyed I am with the way society today operates in the 'courting' (that word seems so lame to say now, like seriously, who fucking COURTS anyone these days?) department.
What I've noticed that with our generation is that the older we get, the less romantically inclined we seem to become. Why? It makes no sense. When we were young and broke we were inventive and made an effort to woo (another lame ass word) someone, but now that we have freedom, a bit more life experience and sufficient funds to spend, we're on some bullshit. Am I the only one that thinks that that's backwards?
Now when I say romance I'm not just talking about being showered with materialistic things, I'm talking about the feelings that romance conjures that made becoming intimate with someone more epic! (I realise I am losing bad man brownie points right now, but fuck it, I'm bad ass enough to keep my overall rep intact *bullet*)
I remember when you'd meet a guy, exchange numbers -remember those? No? They're the handy things we used to use before those pieces of shit Blackberry's took over and everyone decided the the best form of conversation was to PING someone instead of ringing them to actually SPEAK to them -you'd have a few awkward convo's to get a feel for each other, eventually you'd get comfortable with each other and you'd go on a date (usually the cinema). Afterwards you'd chat a bit more, catch a bite to eat, talk some more, then he'd walk you to the bus stop and just before you parted ways you'd look at each other longingly wondering if he was gonna be fast and kiss you on the first date while you FULLY contemplated letting him do it (don't lie).
There used to be this big epic build up to the first kiss. I dunno, it was like we would keep putting it off until we couldn't contain ourselves any more, and then finally he'd give you 'the look' and you'd look back, then look away shyly coz you realised that he was giving you that OFFICIAL 'kissing time' stare. He'd inch a little closer and you'd feel your heart speed up a little and your temperature rise, then he'd touch you (cup your chin, stroke your cheek, pull you to him by your waist yada yada yada) and you'd be closer than you had ever been to him. He'd smell of Lynx Africa (back in the day that Lynx was just standard for every man lol) and the detergent that his mum washed his clothes with, and you'd try to remember how to breathe coz it would be TENSE. By this point the 'fuck it' function in your brain had switched on and it's all systems GO! You respond to his touch, lean in slowly -like you see them do in the movies -and instinctively your eyelids get heavy. His face comes closer and you can feel the heat emitting from his skin then suddenly his lips are pressed against yours for the tester kiss (you know that gentle one just so you can both register that YES you are in fact finally kissing and WOW his lips are soft!) and once that is out of the way, the REAL kissing starts and it is fucking AMAZING! And that's all you guys do, you kiss (inappropriate groping and grinding may occur depending on how good the kiss is) but that's as far as it goes. writing that made me want to kiss someone right the fuck now *looks around the empty room* kmt ¬_¬ lol.
Now I'm not saying that that stuff is not about now, but it's one of them ones where the most likely scenario will be that you meet a guy, exchange pins/facebooks/twitters, chat to each other for a bit THEN exchange numbers. You then call each other late at night and get some harmless pillow talk, which naturally after a few calls will lead to heavier stuff, then you decide to link up, aka you go to his house, he pops in one SHIT DVD that neither of you want to watch, you snuggle up under the covers and then his hands start to wander, and the film has you so bored that fucking him wins the 'most exciting' competition easily, then boom bam, tings ah gwan init.
This whole situation has got me wondering who's fault it is that the latter scenario is the most common. Are men to blame or women?
On one hand I would say that men are to blame because they are the dominant sex so when it comes to dates and taking control of the more intimate situations (as our society relies on men to make the first move) and things of that nature, they hold the cards, so if they are not the romantic type then the girl deals with the standard stuff.
Also, boys are more prone to worrying about their masculinity and what their peers will think; being a sweet boy is not really something that is viewed as 'cool' so boys tend to shy away from being that way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that this is the way that all boys function because there are some more romantically inclined boys out there...I just think that they are harder to find *shrug*.
Another point is that now more than ever men are treating women like conquests; the more girls they can get their leg over, the better, and with that mentality it would take too much time, money and effort to woo every girl they wanted to noog.
In contrast, the blame for the decline in romance could be put on females because we have allowed ourselves to lower our standards -to a certain extent -and some of us have a warped view of how a man should be. Because romance is rarer, any piece of romance (that looks like some effort has been made) is normally enough to satisfy us e.g he invites you to his yard but HE cooks for YOU (I know nuff gyal get gassed off of dem flexes :/ like shut up init, he gave you Pot Noodle and Kool Aid with no sugar but you're there gassed on 'it's the though that counts' ¬_¬ FUCK A THOUGHT!...sorry the rage just bubble up in me for a moment there lol).
In addition to that, some girls see men being romantic as making them appear less manly, so they in turn treat him like a prick or let that put them off of him, which I feel may be another reason as to why some boys aren't really on that flex. Men believe that the majority of women want a bad boy so that is what they aspire to be to different degrees. All of you girls that think like that need a punch in the temple! How can someone treating you the way you are SUPPOSED to be treated be a turn off? What kind of foolishness is that?
I think another factor (which I will include myself in) is that some girls are saying 'Fuck You' to being lady like and opt for being REAL instead. The more open and honest we become, the less of a lady we appear to be, so as some of us may not act like ladies outright, boys feel no need to be gentlemen (but then that argument can work the other way too, maybe we are sidestepping being 'ladies' because there are a lack of gentlemen).
I guess we're both to blame.
It angers me to watch romantic films/TV shows, or read tortured love stories because they gas you until you come back down to earth and realise that the chances in finding a guy that wants to indulge you in a whirlwind romance is pretty slim ¬_¬.
You know them ones where you foolishly watch Love and Basketball then reflect back on your old relationships and go 'That fucker didn't creep into my window at night like some black Zorro and take my virginity to Maxwell! Fuck him and his Chinese take away, shit DVD, tickle dick finger self!'
Seriously, every time I read Twilight I want to beat a boy down with the hench hard back copy of Breaking Dawn 'Why the fuck can't you be like Edward? Is it too much to ask for you to immerse yourself in my very existence? ASSHOLE!'
I think that in 2011 romance should make a comeback. We all have it in us, so instead of this 'wham bam thank you mam, now get out of my house before my mum gets home' biz, we should embrace the intensity of the love songs that we sing along to.
If you're gonna look for a partner look for someone to fall in love with rather than someone to fuck and dash weh. The world would be a better place dudes *sings and sways* What the world needs now, is love sweet love.
But anyway, I dunno whether I made all the points that I wanted to make but man's tired init.
Ok so after I watched that fake rock and roll song I came across the bad ass Katy Perry's new video with Kanye West; E.T. (Extra Terrestrial for you slow ones). The video is VERY eclectic because of the alien theme, but it gets the point across. I don't like the vid all that much to be honest, but the song is infectious. The beat, the melody, her vocals and Kanye all mashed together makes this a very sexy pop banger. I will illegally download this GOOD! Check it out:
So I came across this video on YouTube's fancy pants VEVO section and being a bit of a rocker myself I thought I'd check it out. Since the Kings of Leon came out with 'Sex On Fire' rock music has been criticised as being too mainstream so I thought that with a song with this title that Porcelain Black (formerly known as Porcelain and the Tramps, which is a WAY cooler name if you ask me) would bring rock back to reality. I was wrong. I checked out their older stuff and it was a lot more hardcore than the watered down version of them now.
I'm kind of on the fence about the song because I thought that it was going to be a genuine rock song but it's more like a harsher version of Ke$ha (minus the glitter but with the whorism amped up a couple hundred notches).
You know those artists that you see and you think 'you're not going to be around for very long', this is the feeling I get with this Porcelain Black. She is definitely what Rock and Roll looks like, but she definitely doesn't sound like it. I will say that she does have the voice for it, but that techno/rock/pop thing she is doing is a bit...meh!
She seems like an industry puppet to be honest. If she sing the songs her voice is meant to sing then she may have half a chance. I don't HATE the song but I'm not a fan either. We'll just have to wait and see with this one.
'Sup dudes. Now I realise that the title of this post is either coming across as hostile or kinky but I can assure you that it is not hostile....kinky....maybe...depends on how you view it and what mess I actually end up saying through the course of it.
Now before you guys continue reading I am going to explain what this post is about so if it's something that is not really up your street you can navigate off this page and stop wasting your time (well, I wouldn't really count reading my stuff as a waste of time but for the sake of arguement let me just put it that way).
This post is going to be about VAMPIRES!
Ahhh see, now the whole 'Bite Me' title makes sense right?
Now I imagine a few of you less awesome beings are now using your mouse to close this page so I shall bid you goodbye until I come up with a topic that tickles your fancy. No don't apologise, It's okay, I understand...a little :/. To be honest I'd rather that only my bad ass vamp loving readers read this because I know that they will appreciate this.
Ok so introductory gas out f the way, time to get down to the good stuff.
Anyone that knows me (it doesn't even have to be extensively) knows that I am OBSESSED with vampires to a point where it is not actually healthy (trust me, if some vamp cornered me and said they were going to turn me I would run to them and press my damn throat against their fangs quick fast. Once I had turned I would go look one choong ting and turn him then we could be creatures of the night together for the rest of time...Ian Somerhalder watch your back init O_O).
Now let me explain my level of obsession, cause you lot actually don't understand how deep this thing goes...
75% of the books that I possess (and I have a LOT of books) are vampire related
I have read the ENTIRE Twilight saga more than 10 times (including the Bree Tanner Novella and even the unreleased Midnight Sun)
I have a pair of fangs (they're some shit one that you get at a costume store so I don't wear them outside...but I am contemplating getting the individual fangs...don't look at me like that, I'm not stupid enough to get the permanent ones)
I watch every vampire show possible, even if it's not REALLY about vampires, as far as I'm concerened, if theres a vamp in it then I am GOOD! Have you noticed that those shows have the best soundtracks? Vampire Diaries songs are my shit!
My desktop and most themes on my phone/computer is a picture of one vamp or another
and much to my delight my parents actually call me 'vampire 'because I tend to sleep all day and be up all night. I'd so make a bad ass vampire...if only someone would bite me (looks at Damon Salvatore picture)
By now you guys are probably thinking 'Scotty...you are a fucking loser ¬_¬' and to those of you that may feel that way I say 'Screw you guys, only COOL people fuck with vamps' *high 5 all the #TeamVampire massive* bullet.
If I'm being honest, I think that the reason so many people find vampires appealing is because they are very sexual creatures, even when they are not being sexy. They just have this air about them that screams 'I am a sex god' all the damn time. Everything about them is so intense, so animalistic, so powerful, so...OOOWEEE!
Aside from when it's one of those savage 'I'm gonna tear out your throat bitch' bites, they make being bitten look better than fucking sex itself. Many a time I have watched Bill bite Sookie (these are characters from the popular HBO show 'True Blood' for those that don't know) and I think O_O...'Well God damn! He aint even nice and I would let him bite me same way!' (don't look at me like that, you know you've thought it too) though to be honest I would prefer to be bitten by Eric's sexy ass (I know you've definetly thout THAT).
My goodness if Edward Cullen doesn't make a bitch wish she could NOT have sex with him! The way he does NOT have sex with Bella is fucking EPIC ta rass. I would so hold hands with him *swoon* we could NOT have sex with each other all flippin day and it would be heaven!
Now there is the whole downside of the fact that they are DEAD which kind of puts you off them...a little...but then you realise that they are all HOT tortured/broody/with an evil streak (bad boy fantasy sorted)/worldy/rich/filled with angst, and apparently vamp sex is DA SHIT, so that whole 'dead' thing becomes less of an issue...well to me anyway *shrug*.
I realise the more I speak about them, the neekier I sound but I actually don't care. I LOVE THEM.
I would like to take this moment to thank Stephenie Meyer for making Vampires the IN thing again because she has actually made my world a better place...by that I mean vamp stuff is a LOT more accessible. By the way, if you haven't read the Twilight saga, you suck ass! That shit will make you wanna go find a white man, gel his hair into one fucked up style, then dash some glitter on him *yeah bitch, sparkle for me*. Boom bam, he's you're very own Edward Cullen. You may now hold hands and let him smell your skin then tell you how are like a drug to him then get the best hand hold of your LIFE! That is some romance fo yo ass aint it!
Now I feel that after droning on about them I feel that is is only right that I list the hottest vamps
5. Paul Wesley as Stefan Salvatore
4. Brad Pitt as Louis de Pointe du Lac
3. Alexander Skarsgård as Eric Northman
2. Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen
1. Ian Somerholder as Damon Salvatore
Right so I couldn't think of anything else to say but now I have a strange hankering to read Twilight again so I can swoon over Edward and then get angry that boys out there aren't like him. I want someone to watch me sleep and tell me that I am their life then constantly battle with themselves for wanting me so much dammit! Bella is living the fucking DREAM I tells ya!
Ok I'm done being neeky now (by neeky I meant SUPER COOL).