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CEO of Swear Down TV//Radio host on Swear Down Radio//Writer of 'The Unfamous'//Blogger//BAD ASS//

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Sunday, 12 December 2010

The X-Factor Final can kiss my....

Hey guys =D it's been a hot minute but I'm back to force my opinions on you again, with lashings of profanity and sarcasm (it's the only way I know how). So any who...X-FACTOR!

MATT WON! I'm not totally against it because he is good, but alas I must confess, I was rooting for One Direction. 

I really believed that there was NO WAY on the planet that they were going to lose; I mean they screamed teeny bopper boy band perfection. They had all the girls getting hot for them (me included and yes I am aware that I am too old to be watchin them, but Zayn is HOT god dammit, don't tell me nothin!) and they LOST! 

I'm still failing to understand how this was possible, but after much contemplation I figured it out; IT'S SIMON'S FAULT! Why, you ask...BECAUSE HE MADE THEM SING WITH THAT DIRTY CRACK HEAD ROBBIE WILLIAMS THAT'S WHY! Who gives a flying FUCK about Robbie friggin Williams? O_O NOT ME! He did it to Olly Murs last year and decide to make the same mistake with One Direction

Simon is a serious guy with serious celebrity contacts and yet every 2 weeks we had to endure Take That/Robbie. WHY? What, he couldn't hook them up with Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Hannah Montana or the Jonas Brothers no? BULLSHIT! He SABOTAGED them. Fucking hell, even giving them JLS would've been a step in the right direction, but NO! 

Even Dannii (some ANY chick) got RIHANNA to perform with Matt (horribly if I might add. Several times he looked like he was ready to jizz in his pants, that's why bare of his notes were off) and yet big big SIMON COWELL couldn't top that? Shit don't make no rarseclart sense. 

Let me calm down *breathe Scotty breathe*.

Even though I was upset that they got kicked off, I told myself that it didn't matter because there is no question that these boys are going to get snatched up by some major label and buss a JLS, therefore making more successful than Matt in the long run. From what I heard on Twitter, One Direction got signed by SONY and are dropping their first single in January anyway so STUFF YOU X-FACTOR! =P

Onto Matt

Am I the only one that thinks his Christmas single is SHIT? Of course not, you all agree with me don't you? Good. 

That song was so dead that I wouldn't even search for it on YouTube let alone download it illegally. They should have made his rendition of Moody Blues 'Knights in White Satin' his single because at least then it would make sense that they'd rig the charts to make him the nation's Christmas #1. In all seriousness, Ellie Goulding's 'Your Song' should be #1 but life isn't fair so she needs to settle for #2. 

To be honest, as good as Matt is, unless they make him do those James Morrison kind of tracks, his career won't last.

I don't understand why some people were so devastated that Rebecca didn't win. No hating ting, she's gorgeous, her voice is distinctive and she is a lovely person...but the bitch was BORING. Would it have killed her to move? 

When they put her on that podium and spun her around my face was like this --> ¬_¬. ARE THESE THE LEVELS THEY HAVE TO GO TO, TO MAKE THIS BITCH MOVE?!? OMDZ I wanted to go to a live show and dash a shoe in her head, MOVE REBECCA, MOVE! 

Now you lot may think that I am over thinking this, but I think Cheryl tried to sabotage Rebecca -hear me out. We all knew from the get go that Cher was Cheryl's favourite. When people criticised Cher for rapping too much and not being able to sing as well as she'd like us to believe she could, Cheryl was like 'Fuck dem Cher. If they wanna see you sing, then babygirl we will show dem you can sing, no long ting', and BOOM, the next week she was the tortured Gothic maiden singing the best version of Shakespeare's Sister's 'Stay' I had ever heard. 

Week, after week, after week we have all been GUNNING Rebecca for her lack of mobility...did Cheryl make this girl even buss a likkle 2-step? NO! When it came down to Rebecca and CherCheryl was blatantly rooting for her mini-me all the way -something that she made even more obvious when we all witnessed a piece of her soul dying when Cher got eliminated. 

On the night of the finals when she had to introduce Rebecca she just sounded so flippin downtrodden like someone had shot her flippin dog or something. She wasn't bothered if Rebecca got through or not. Stupid woman.

Finally...Cher. O_o What the fuck was this simple bitch thinking. 

She made it all the way to the finals and thought, 'Yeah, I'm gonna rock some cheap yardie pants that I got from Brixton market, then sing some random pop song and mix it with Missy Elliott's 'Get Ya Freak On' because to me that seems like a stellar fucking idea!' 

When I tell you I have never wanted to BOOOO someone so hard in my life. 

Admit it, when she dropped Missy you had to pause and think to yourself 'If I had a gun', I know I did. When Cher JUST sings, I love her, but whenever she raps my heart overflows with pure undiluted rage. 

As if that performance wasn't bad enough, she came back with the only celeb contact Cheryl flipping knows ¬_¬ Will.I.Am. I'm not even going to comment on that performance because you lot all saw it so you already know. 

I was rooting for Cher to get eliminated, I'm tellin you, I was exited to see this bitch BREAK the fuck DOWN, so you can imagine my disappointment when she accepted it gracefully. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR DOWNFALL AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN GONNA CRY O_O GET THE HELL OFF OF MY SCREEN! 

From that moment on it was bait that she already had a record deal. Apparently Jay Z wants to sign her ¬_¬ you do that, these times we don't like her. Some trailer park Lady Sovereign/ Cheryl Cole beg. Cool.

Aight, well I feel like I've been typing for long so I'm gonna end on this note... Rihanna's performance of 'What's My Name' was SICK, but what the FUCK happened to Christina Aguilera? Why did she look like some second-hand extra in a Shardinay video?

...Love Scotty





1 comment:

  1. "what the FUCK happened to Christina Aguilera? Why did she look like some second-hand extra in a Shardinay video?"


    You're too funny. Loved this post lmao.