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CEO of Swear Down TV//Radio host on Swear Down Radio//Writer of 'The Unfamous'//Blogger//BAD ASS//

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Saturday, 18 December 2010

The Perfect Man (Scotty's Top 5 Pointers)

Hey guys ;D.

I got bored and decided that I had fuck all to do so why not jump on here and chat shit about something that I could throw witty sarcastic remarks, and of course my favourite swear words in like fuck and shit and words of that sort =).

I decided that I was going to talk about what makes the perfect man. I'm not going to get too picky because what may be right for me may not be what the rest of you bitches are into, so I'm going to generalise to the best of my ability.

I'm going to list 5 points so that I don't ramble on too much, so let me begin...

#5 He has a J.O.B (PAUSE); wanting your man to have a job does not make you a gold digger, it makes you have standards. Broke man aint NEVER cute. Cool. Thanks. The reason women want men to have jobs is not only so you can buy us things and take us out (that's the main reason, but not the whole reason), it's also because we want some indication that you don't lack purpose in life. Women want a guy that it motivated and ambitious. A job (no matter how trivial) is a basically a nod in that direction. Another reason is that even though we like to spout the whole 'Miss Independent' gas, women like a man that is capable of looking after them even if they don't need looking after. If we are working and you're not, it puts us in the position of the breadwinner, hence we are more powerful than you which makes you look like some wasteman. NO ONE LIKES OR RESPECTS A WASTEMAN. Fellas you can get salty if you want (like I give a shit), but it's the truth.

#4 Women want a man that KNOWS how to put it DOWN in the BEDROOM, can I get an AMEN! Ladies I said can I get and mutha fuckin AMEN! Good sex is FUNDAMENTAL in relationships. The perfect man will be able to turn you out so well that you will say and do things that you REGRET when you wake up the next day from your orgasm induced coma (cause he twirked you so damn good your ass just rolled over and it was lights OUT). No woman wants a man that can't fuck. That shit will make you stab him in the throat: "Mutha fucka it has been year! Give me a fuckin orgasm 'fo I shoot yo ass BITCH!" P.S. HEY MEN; you like head? Well guess what...SO DO WE! Stop being such a selfish ass prick and return the favour. The perfect man would do it, so if you want to be in that category, jump on it. Shit!

#3 The perfect man RESPECTS his woman (CHURCH). He doesn't call her out of her name, he doesn't put his hands on her, he listens when she has something to say and he understands that she is not put on this earth to serve him. Now boys don't start moaning 'What about her respecting me?' ¬_¬ This blog post aint about you. Shut the hell up and wait your damn turn.

#2 The perfect man is trustworthy. I don't wanna be jamming with you and all after midnight I'm seeing next chicks ringing your phone. Who the fuck is Keisha and why is sHe ringing you past water shed like it's okay? Better yet, you have a girlfriend; ME, so who the hell is this bitch? Don't rage me. Now that was just an example, but what I'm trying to say is if you have a whole heap of different girls belling off your phone, pinging you, texting you, popping up on your Facebook chat, writing shit on your wall, tweeting @ you etc; WTF is your girlfriend supposed to think? Most men will come with the argument, “But we're just talking, nothing's happening, she's just my bredrin.” BULLSHIT and CODSWALLOP! Let me state this HERE and NOW; boys know when their female friends like them. They may try and deny it, but they KNOW. By carrying on all these late night convos and such YOU are encouraging those SCANDALOUS STEALTH MODE BITCHES (I had to draw for the Swear Down TV bars). If the shoe was on the other foot I can guarantee that you'd be getting suspicious of your girlfriend. If there is no trust then the shit ain gon' work. Simples.

#1 The perfect man loves his woman unconditionally -SNM. I know that sounds sentimental and shit but fuck it, bad man has to keep it real with you man, so from time to time bad man has to get sentimental.

Right, I could go on for ages about how he should make you laugh, and how he should be manish because it's hot when they can put us in our place (aint it just *fans self* lol), and how he should compliment you and buy you flowers just because it's Wednesday, but then I'd be sitting here all night and that's long. Man’s tired. I gave you 5 good ones so be happy and shut up (cause I know you lot are saying 'she shoulda put in yada yada yada' ¬_¬ well I didn't, so deal with it!)

In the mean time and between time, repost my shit so more people can read it and read my bad ass opinions Y). You can get at me on:



and don't forget to check out SWEAR DOWN TV where you can hear me and my bottom bitch cuss like sailors and insult people until we are blue in the face :)

...Love Scotty

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