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CEO of Swear Down TV//Radio host on Swear Down Radio//Writer of 'The Unfamous'//Blogger//BAD ASS//

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Monday, 28 March 2011

Case of the EX

I was going to do a blog about why women seem to have this strange predilection (that means ‘liking’ you simple bitches) for bad boys when I thought of a topic that was a smidgen more interesting and would allow me to get angry as I wrote it (I'm funnier when I'm pissed off *shrug* wouldn't it actually be funny if you lot actually read this and DON'T laugh lol...¬_¬ you'd better fucking laugh!)

So any who, (pointless hostility aside) I'm gonna jump on this topic and try to go IN without sounding like sound bitter bitch -which I most certainly am not *whistles awkwardly* I'M NOT MAN, GET OFF MY NUTS! SHIT! (You know them ones where you start trying to discuss your ex in a calm and collected manner...and you think of all the bullshit they done and the RAGE of BABYLON SCORNED explodes in your chest and you start looking for a sharp instrument to cut off their dick with...no? OK uppity bitch, I guess that's just me.)

I was going to do a Swear Down TV vid on this with my girl but she is on some LONG TING (you know who you are bitch), so until then this blog will have to do.

To be perfectly honest, I think EXES ARE DANGEROUS!

WHY are exes dangerous?

There really is only ONE good reason and it is that these mofo's have the ability to MANIPULATE your ass, ESPECIALLY if the relationship was serious. They know all your habits, your likes, your dislikes, you hopes, your fears...your turn ons...*whistles awkwardly again* you get my drift. DANGEROUS!

Me personally, I don't really keep in contact with my exes, it's not my thing. If I see them I see them, if I don't *shrug* OH WELL! Generally I'm on talking terms with most of them, but you know them exes that need to get LOCK OFF to the point where unless you tell someone they will NEVER guess that you two even KNOW each other...yeah that. 

Can I say this though...FUCK this we can still be friends BULLSHIT; that is nothing but an invitation for post-relationship DRAMA!

I only think that exes can GENUINELY be friends if the relationship was short-lived (granted that no one caught feelings, and they didn't do something to piss you off.) If the relationship was serious then the shit just aint gonna work until a GOOD couple years have passed...-and you've moved onto bigger and better things that you can throw in their face like a high paying fancy pants job, a loving husband/wife, cute ass kids and a big ass house. Anything that shows them that you have upgraded. Common example; you know them times when you see them on road and you look like a million dollars but they look like MONOPOLY MONEY and you think to yourself 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA' -you feel NICE alie (don't try stunt like you don't coz I know you ALL do, yes man dem even you!)

That being said, I guess if you really look at it you haven't REALLY gotten over shit if you're happy to flaunt shit at them *shrug* oh well, that may be as close as some of us get dammit!

When you were in a relationship with this person you went through the 4 stages -which I like to call 'The Road to EPIC DISAPPOINTMEMT'.

There's the bait 'Honeymoon Period' where everything about them is adorable, their jokes are funny, you may slip up every now and then with some crazy flexes (like watching them sleep or  sniffing them coz they smell really good), you overlook annoying habits cause you like them so damn much, and of course THE 24HR MIND BLOWING SEX (ok I know it's not really 24 hours, but you can get pretty damn close).

After this period is over you get to stage 2 of 'The Road to EPIC DIASSAPOINTMENT': Coasting. This is where you guys are still sort of loved up and you know a bit more about them cause all the time you used to spend nooging has now been exchanged for conversation every now and then. This is the stage where your partner starts to lose their mystery and you start seeing pattern in their behaviour i.e. their habits.

Between this stage and the next on is where you may fall in love with them. This is not a definite as some people are just UNLOVEABLE!

The next stage is COMFORTABILITY. All the mystery is now OBLITERATED and you both decide that you know each other well enough to stop trying to keep up appearances (he stops taking you out as much as he used to...you stop shaving you legs...and somehow you both think that it's ok to fart in front of each other. That’s LOVE! Lol.)

Finally the last stage: RAGE!

EVERY little thing they do gets on your last nerve (why is he/she breath so fucking loud, and what is that frigging beating sound coming out of their chest? Lord please make it stop!) You lot argue about bullshit that never used to matter (why didn't you put a coaster down? Now look what you've done...LOOK! Do you see that...huh...do you see it? YES, it's a friggin water ring on my fuckin table you JERK! *gets a coaster and slams it down and puts the drink down on top of it in a hostile manner* THAT'S HOW THE FUCK YOU AVOID THOUGHTLESS MISSHAPS LIKE THIS DOUCHEBAG!' Then of course these little arguments move onto real arguments (which may bring on makeup sex :) but not so much lol).

Eventually shit goes super wrong and someone decides that they've had enough. Boom! Relationship done and you now have a brand shiny new ex. Congratulations!!!!

Here’s where the EX-FACTOR comes in...

You thought that you lot being apart would solve your issues right? WRONG! Now you have a whole bunch of new bullshit to deal with. The main problem will always be that ya'll are not together anymore so you have to control how you react to their CRAP (which is hard as fuck when they are adding fuel to the rage fire in your chest with their foolishness)!

Some exes may wish to keep in contact and coz you don't want to be childish  you try to make the friendship work but it just makes you angrier coz now you are listening to them complain and talk about the same dead shit that you didn't give a flying FUCK about when you were with them.

Another problem with this talking biz is that the past gets dragged up and you feel like now you have to talk about how you really feel about shit (it can get a bit emotional...peak...very peak).

A NEXT problem is the 'hanging out' thing, coz (let's be honest) we all feel like we should get one last noog in before we let them go completely.


It's like Samantha says in Sex and the City –“Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore. If it's bad, you just had sex with an ex.” < aint that the friggin truth. I tend to experience the latter :/ and when that happens I always think 'Were you that shit the whole time?' and then I start thinking that my feelings for them GASSED me into thinking that what they were giving me was acceptable. After that thought has rolled around in my head for a while I then think 'Maybe you just weren't trying as hard as you used to coz we're not together anymore.' And then I get even more vex.

Messing with an ex is waaaaay too much head ache!

Exes are why people take drugs! LOL well not really, but it's nice to blame someone init =)

Of course we also have those exes that refuse to accept that things are over and use the whole hanging out thing to try and get back with you, or it's a thing where you are blatantly airing them and they won’t take the hint ¬_¬ FUCK OFF INIT.

To be honest I could rage about this shit for yonks but I feel that I have made my point. Unless you actually like them in a friendly way, exes suck ass!

Thank you and good night 

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